I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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