the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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