I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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