I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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