but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
