She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
