it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Bea Arthur died! :(
Big bird passed.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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