he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
we're so committed to being not committed
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
