Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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