she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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