I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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