I have demons in me.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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