where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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