just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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