Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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