I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize