eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize