: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
