i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize