Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
