I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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