i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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