I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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