dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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