its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize