Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
