Sry I called you an 8
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
