So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
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She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
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God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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