if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
