Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.