i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
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You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
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I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it