We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again