oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
