is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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