I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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