oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the condom got lost in my hair
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
