are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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