i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
