How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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