i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize