apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
this will be a night to untag.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
