at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
