I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
