I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
