i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
