Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
