I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
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Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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