you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
