we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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