why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
