He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
