I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
