I accidentally had phone sex last night
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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