I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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