Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
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I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I deserve this hangover.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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