my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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