I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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