Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
