apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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