i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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