It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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