Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
